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From: me
Date: 7/8/2002
Time: 3:19:36 AM
Remote Name: 209.245.235.24
I know what all of you are going through. I've been reading posts for about a year know hoping that there will be some kind of brake through in hair multiplication. I know what is like to search for that next tid-bit of information that will keep you feeling alive. I know what it is like to be handsome and then feel like nothing. To have everything going your way then not really finding a reason to go on. Your pain is worse because it is the type that people laugh at. To some of you balding is one of your problems and you feel cursed or riddled with endamnities. Every one here knows that good looking people are treated better and live better lives. I have been shrugged off by the girls that I would not have considered dating in high school. It seems unfair that this could happen to you, you who tried so hard to be good. I am still a good person. I tried to warn my other brothers about lossing their hair but they don't understand. No body does until it happens to them. I haven't been in a true relationship since the hairloss and I moved away from my family and friends because I had to much pride to let them see me like this. It seems sad. All of this do to folliclar-imputence (hee,hee:). About six months ago I killed myself. I write,"I killed myself," not because I really died but because I thought I was going to. I took a full pack of Unisome late one night, unplugged my phone, and locked myself in my apartment. I sat there waiting to die. at first I was scared to death (no pune intended) and wanted to call someone, anyone. Tell them what I did, but I didn't. I held back the urge long enough. About an hour later I was to tired, I didn't care anymore for anything but sleep. My whole body was numb including my hands and teeth. It was getting harder and harder to breath. I decided that I would pretend that it was like anyother night that I was tired and take out my contacts. It was more work then I thought. It took be about an hour to just get out of bed and walk the five steps to the restroom in my apartment. I don't know how long I stared into the mirror wonding if I would ever see this face again. There was this unbelievable feeling that said to me, "what a waste." As if the person in the mirror had some kind of potential that I didn't realize. I thought it was another defense mechnism of the body talking to me like that of the fear, so I ignored it. When I was finally able to get my hand up to my face without falling down, I thought I might accidentally squish one of my eyeballs while taking out the contacts. I managed then pushed myself off the doorway and onto my bed. Next thing I knew it was morning around 11am and I felt unusually refreshed considering how many sleeping pills I took. I should have at least been drowsy. I felt good because I did not back down from my fear. The fear that life had a hold on me. It didn't. I was holding on to life and when I finally let go, I could live again. I don't know if the pack of unisome would really have killed me or not, but I knew for sure then that it was going to and that made all the difference. I tell you this not to gain sympathy but so the few who have gone to these ends know that I am not lying, I have never told anyone about this experience, and for people to realize the extent of damage hairloss can do to someone. Ever since the experience I have lived better. I enjoy things like never before. I can't sit here and pretend like I don't think about hairloss and hope a cure will be found soon, but I see life a lot differently. And I am patient enough to wait because there are so many things that I would rather do today then be unhappy. p.s. I know this sounds like I am for suicide and if it didn't hurt the living I would be, but that is not the case. I don't care if you agree with me but to live a life of hell for even a minute for the people around you is more then a sacrifice on your behalf. So, for those people out there that know they are in a living hell and want nothing better then to off yourself but never do..not because you are afraid....because you don't want to be selfish and hurt the people around you...I thank you for every minute you spend in pain for your friends and your family who don't understand what you are going through. You are a stronger person then I am and desearve much more then you have. PPS. Hairloss was not the only thing that I was dealing with at the time of my suicide, but it played an key role in defeating my selfworth. care of, anonymous
From: Idedecymn
Date: 02 Sep 2007
Time: 12:05:29
Remote Name: 221.12.149.163
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